Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
