I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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