She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
