Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
