I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
