Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i will never coherently bang her
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
