you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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