you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
