I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
