What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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