trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
