trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
