just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
