Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
