Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
