she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
