remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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