All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
