The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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