so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
