if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
