If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
