She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
