Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
