Umm I'm too high to move.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
