Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
