What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my liver is dry heaving
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
