My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
