I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just cut my nipple shaving
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
