Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
