How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
its not stalking. its research.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
