So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
