I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
