Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
