Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
