so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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