her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
