Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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