Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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