i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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