I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
