After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
