i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
