I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
