You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
