It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
