so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
