My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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