I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
