I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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