she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
