Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
