I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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