Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
