Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
