I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
